Possibly the best (and maybe only) song about model trains, Lemon Demon has a catchy and entertaining jam:

The song captures the hobby well – from the musty basement, to the tenuous and pedantic feuds among model railroad club members, it’s pretty great. Here’s the full lyrics to the song (warning, some explicit language):

My basement, uh.
Gonna show you my beautiful basement.
Where the concrete floor feels cool to the touch.
I’ll turn up the heat if it’s too much.
I’ll turn on the lightbulb on the wire.
Turn on the dehumidifier.
I’m serious when I flick this next switch.
Look you in the eye, and I say, “Check this.”

My trains, uh.
My trains, uh.
I got small ones. Tiny little trains.
I come down here just to get away.
My trains, uh.
My trains, uh.
It’s like magic. Magic trains.
I wish these trains could take me away.

(chugga chugga woo-woo)
(chugga chugga woo-woo)
(chugga chugga woo-woo)
(chugga chugga woo-woo)

In the club, the Model Railroad Club,
A motherfucker said shit about my trains.
Might as well have took a shit on my brain
Cuz I went insane.
I laid track on his ass with a styrofoam bat.
But the president never did let me back after that.
Shit, I said, “Fuck you.
Who the fuck needs a punk ass choo-choo crew anyhoo?”
My trains, uh.
My trains, uh.
I got small ones. Tiny little trains.
I come down here just to get away.
My trains, uh.
M-m-m-m-my trains, uh.
It’s like magic. Magic trains.
I wish these trains could take me away.

(chugga chugga woo-woo)
(chugga chugga woo-woo)

I lie here every night.
I feel like if I focus
and think of getting smaller
I’ll gradually get smaller.
And if I get small enough
My trains will seem much bigger
and I’ll be the conductor.
The tiniest conductor.

OH!
Then whatchu gonna do?
Then whatchu gonna do?
Whatchu gonna do then, huh?
Whatchu gonna do?
Whatchu gonna do?
Whatchu gonna do when I’m fucking small
Like one inch tall
You won’t see me coming at all
When I crawl into your ear late at night
Yeah, you heard me right motherfucker, sleep tight
And you think I’m just another bad dream
But I’m a tiny little man in your bloodstream
Little hands hold an artery shut
Yeah, that’s right motherfucker, then what?

My trains.
My trains.
My trains, uh.
My trains, uh.
I got small ones. Tiny little trains.
I come down here just to get away.
My trains, uh.
My trains, uh.
They’re like magic. Magic trains.
I wish these trains could take me away.
(chugga chugga woo-woo)
My trains.
(chugga chugga woo-woo)
My trains.
(chugga chugga woo-woo)
My trains.
(chugga chugga woo-woo)
My trains.